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THEN AND NOW

BY JOCELYN CUTIE

Before spelling there was nothing. There sometimes was the slightest glimmer of light in whatever hell I inhabited. The light was mainly emanated by my parents. But the world was mainly dark: I had no way of telling them that I was in this body. I had no means of communication. But I was totally one of the lucky ones. Had Mom and Dad not taken me to see Judy, the nightmare would never have ended. I am getting so teary now, just thinking about then and now.

6/5/2026 2 Comments

Moving

We moved this week. It’s a big deal to move, both physically and emotionally. It was hard on my parents, and that upset me. Definitely it was also hard on me, since change is not my friend. I had lived in the old house all my life.

I do love the new house. It’s lovely and I love my bedroom. It’s going to be great eventually because it’s much closer to M2H. Certainly I believe that having a shorter ride is a bonus.

I can’t say I love the house though because it’s not home yet. It has no memories in it and nothing to make it anything more than just a house. I know, of course, that will change over time. We need to do things in the house to make it ours.

So I am proposing that Judy and Alex come over as soon as possible.

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4/30/2026 0 Comments

Heroes

I am reading The Picture of Dorian Gray in my book club. Firstly, it still stuns me that I am reading literature. I am never going to take it for granted. Secondly, it is making me think about influence. Can we really be that influenced by someone else? All of us can certainly be influenced by those we admire. Can that influence make us act in ways different from our values?

All that has me thinking that I want to act more like those I admire. My Hallmark Moment of the day is that I want to be more like Alex. Certainly he is admired here at M2H. But I think it’s getting himself into college that I admire most. How hard must he have worked to do that?

Dorian Gray must have a character flaw to become evil. I haven’t gotten there yet, so I’m not sure what it is. Really, most people do have character flaws but I can’t imagine them just turning evil…unless they are evil to begin with.

Having heroes to admire is actually a good thing because it gives you motivation. I am thinking though, that it’s important to pick your heroes carefully.

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1/29/2026 0 Comments

Becoming ME

I have given it thought, and this year I am going on a self-improvement kick. I am interested in getting more educated. I have joined a biology class and now want to do math. I am really going to try to become more of what I should have been if autism hadn’t happened. I would have been a great student and I would have been popular. Having the opportunity to do both is what M2H is all about.

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12/19/2025 0 Comments

New Year's Resolution

My New Year’s resolution has to happen soon. It is to do things more often with Alex. It is self-improvement: letting myself have more experiences that are fun, with a friend, is a way to grow. I spent years and years doing nothing with friends. Definitely, I have to make up for lost time.

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8/14/2025 0 Comments

Addiction

I am loving creative writing. There is nothing funnier than writing together. I laugh the whole time. Definitely one of my favorite hours of the week. I am jealous that Alex gets to join a bunch of them.

So I am thinking that maybe I need to come here more. Two days a week is inadequate. Rocco gets to come here five days. (That’s why he’s the Mayor.) But everyone else doesn’t, and that isn’t fair. I am definitely vying for a minimum of three. I am particularly interested in joining more creative writing groups. I am kind of addicted.

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6/10/2025 0 Comments

The Change in Schedule

Starting next week Judy’s schedule is changing. Most of her individual sessions are becoming creative writing classes. I am excited about it. I believe it will be fun to work on things together.

I always Hallmark Moment when I think about how happy I am to have friends now. (I always Hallmark Moment when I think about life before and after M2H.) Having friends is the greatest thing on earth. I get teary whenever I think about my old life. All of us are great with the changes.

I feel like we all need to remember that no one in the world is as committed to us as Judy.

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4/29/2025 0 Comments

Hell Froze Over

I am beside myself today. I am excited to learn that Secretary Kennedy actually read my letter. For someone like me to have a voice that can reach the US Cabinet is thrilling. Having a voice is empowering. Having the ability to say what I think is thrilling. Having a voice that is powerful enough to reach the highest levels of government is beyond words.Talking to a cabinet member is so totally out of the visions I had of my life it’s almost comical. It’s like saying, “Joss, you’ll make a trip to the moon.” I can’t see it happening.

But hey…Secretary Kennedy read my letter.

Definitely watch out for flying pigs.

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4/15/2025 0 Comments

Dinner

I have decided that Judy is coming to dinner at my house. Alex too. I will cook. Mom can be my sous chef. I get excited thinking about it. I love most foods; so does Alex. But Judy is difficult, it turns out.

But we will figure it out.

I am welcoming them into my home as honored guests.

That is how I will bribe them into making sure that I get to go to Israel with them. Then I will be sure to have converted by then. I am not quite ready yet. But the Hebrew school classes that are soon starting here will prepare me.

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3/26/2025 0 Comments

Alex's Bar Mitzvah

On Saturday I went to Alex’s bar mitzvah. It was the most wonderful day of my life. I am so Jewish at heart. I loved that service more than I can express. Everything about it was beautiful, from the singing to Alex reading Hebrew prayers and the Torah, to Judy chanting what he typed. The rabbis were amazing, and my part in the service was lovely. Seeing Alex up on the stage for two hours was happiness itself; he awed all of us. He didn’t need Judy to regulate himself. And the best part was Alex’s sermon.

He explained that when the Israelites were in the desert, Moses told them to build a tabernacle. The people gave so much that Moses had to tell them to stop. Alex compared that to Judy building M2H. All acts of love, generosity and kindness are acts of God. Any place that is built on those acts will be a place of God. As I sat there listening, Alex’s electronic voice speaking, all I could think was how true that was. I get tearier thinking about it: God was in that synagogue…and God is always at Mouth to Hand.

When the service was over, I was absolutely sad. I am so converting. My new name is Rachel Cutieberg. Being Jewish rocks.

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3/18/2025 1 Comment

Awe

Awe is my favorite emotion. It means that my feelings of wonder totally work. I am mostly thinking about the way I get when nonspeakers do things that I thought were impossible. I am specifically thinking of Alex standing there reading the Torah. I had to look twice to make sure it was real. I am Hallmark Momenting: it was inspirational, to put it mildly. I can say that seeing it makes me realize that no one is handicapped so much that no dreams cannot be fulfilled. Alex’s bar mitzvah is proof of that. Having that belief makes it my goal too.

I am awed, and that is wonderful.

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