My New Dream Job

I thought I wanted to become a comedian, but I am rethinking my career choice. I just read that the Penguin post office in Antarctica is hiring. I am most interested in the part of the part of the job that involves counting penguins.I always wanted to count penguins but didn’t know I could make a living at it. This job is like my dream come true:  not only do I get to count penguins all day but I can go for weeks smelling like their poo. I don’t actually know what it smells like, but it’s probably better than the hummus I always smell like now. 


I understand that I must be British to apply. I assume that’s ‘cause they are used to no running water and bathe in tubs on special occasions. The lack of decent plumbing is their norm anyway. I’m willing to become British if that’s what it takes.  I’m heading straight to the tattoo parlor to have King Charles tattooed on my thigh. I’ll have a few thousand penguins tattooed on my body while I”m there. That way I can count them even after I retire.