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SPEAKING FOR MYSELF...

BY ALEX GORMAN

I am definitely the luckiest person on the face of the earth. Each day we nonspeakers can easily choose to feel sorry for ourselves. But nothing really easy is ever as good, I believe. To be happy is not an easy choice, but it's one I choose to make. Easy things are what some gravitate towards...but not me. The best things in my life, and the people I love most, have either been the hardest or worked the hardest. And these things, the hardest, feel the best because they represent achievement. This blog is about being lucky, working hard, achieving goals, and being what I've decided to be: happy.

1/26/2026 1 Comment

Mel Brooks

I am writing this on a snow day. Yesterday was stormy and today all businesses are closed. Actually, conditions are not too bad, but people needed time to dig out.

It was fun to sit here with my Mom and watch movies. I had never seen Mel Brooks’ movies before. I particularly wanted to after we watched a documentary about him. We saw Blazing Saddles, and I must say that I loved it. It is about the least PC movie ever. The thing is, it’s so clearly meant in fun that it’s impossible to be offended. And that makes me think about humor.

Societal dictates would have it that the movie is offensive, but it’s not. It absolutely must depend then on the spirit that permeates the humor. Who creates the most humorous applause is the person who appeals to the most people. Mel Brooks clearly understands that. He makes fun of everyone, but there is no nastiness to it. I am wondering actually if I can do the same in my writing.

I am going to ask Mom to show me all his movies. I understand more about humor, actually, as a result of learning about him.

Alex only pawn in game of life.

1 Comment

1/4/2026 4 Comments

Normal

What makes my Mom special is that her ability to see us in the best way is unparalleled. She doesn’t really see us as being particularly disabled. We are seen by her as individuals with distinct interests and personalities, just like ordinary people. I cannot express how amazing that feels. Most people cannot see past the disability to see the person inside. It actually makes us behave differently because Mom doesn’t act differently with us than she does with anyone else.

At M2H, people may start by seeing the disability. But I have noticed that over time we become more human to everyone, meaning not just a disability with legs. I really, really love the way she teases us and clowns around.

The more normal we feel, the more normal we behave.

4 Comments

12/28/2025 3 Comments

Hopeless

All we nonspeakers are eagerly awaiting the day when there is a cure for this terrible thing. It will be the 30 year anniversary of my diagnosis in March. It appears we are making zero progress. You have to wonder why. How can no progress in three decades happen?

There are clearly many reasons ranging from “why should we cure autism when it’s a glorious thing” to “there is no increase in cases of autism” to “if we search for a cure we may find out something inconvenient, like what causes it.” I understand that it is complicated, so I’m not downplaying that. Yes, it is complicated but I cannot believe it is beyond medical science to at least come up with something to alleviate the worst of our symptoms.

Absolutely my worse symptom was catatonia, but my current worst symptom is brain fog. My friends suffer from a plethora of issues ranging from OCD to seizures. We are medical complexities which no one actually understands.

I am waiting for a breakthrough that may never come. To be very honest, I am not very hopeful.

3 Comments

10/18/2025 2 Comments

Liam

Some brothers are beyond awesome but mine is beyond that. Liam was my biggest fan from our earliest days, never really seeing my disability. In a way, his ability to love me, in spite of everything, made me normal. He barged into my autism, treating it like it didn’t matter, dragging me out of the fog. Treating us like normal people makes us normal, after all. Liam particularly is able to look beyond the exterior to see people’s hearts.

When we were little he would literally presume that I was just like him, only unable to speak, and would march around holding my hand, telling our mother what it was that “the brothers” wanted. Often apparently we wanted ice cream. He would decide on our Halloween costumes: he was Buzz Lightyear, I was Woody. I was King Arthur, he was Sir Lancelot. We could not have been closer.

That may have ultimately saved me, in a way. His persistence in pushing his way into my world kept me grounded. My mother always treated us as equals, never making me feel less. That too made me act as normal as I could.

When I was finally able to talk, my brother and I needed no real shift. Because he had always treated me as a normal guy, it was easy to just start talking.
He has always loved me with his whole heart, and I want him to know that no brother has ever loved theirs more than I do mine.

2 Comments

8/9/2025 1 Comment

CP Woes

Taking a page out of A Man Called Ove, people have to decide what kind of a human they want to be. I have decided I want to be someone exciting and interesting. I have so many interests, ranging from math to music to literature to writing. To get to where I want to be takes huge effort on my part, but also my mother’s. That’s particularly troublesome to me. Wishing I could type by myself doesn’t make it a reality.

Respiration and heart rate studies are going on currently to try to figure out the role of the communication partner. I was in one recently, at Abilis in Stamford, Connecticut. I had to play a simple video game, once with Mom, once alone, and once with a stranger. I could actually feel my heart rate speed up when the stranger sat down. I absolutely wanted her to leave me alone, even though certainly she was perfectly nice.

People don’t understand what it’s like for us. We are so sensitive that we are constantly battling so much stress. I am incredibly intelligent and so motivated to succeed. Yes I am held back not by my inability to talk with my mouth, but by my inability to type without a CP. I will succeed even with this lodestone around my neck. That is certain because…Mom. But it would be a hell of a lot easier if I could do it by myself.

1 Comment

5/31/2025 1 Comment

My Promise

All we nonspeakers are, inside, actually not really abnormal. We are mainly disabled, apparently on the outside. I realize that we look quite abnormal to most people. I also realize that we are really eccentric. But over and over we have shown that we are way more capable than most of the world thinks.

Wanting a fulfilling life really is not asking much. Wanting to be educated and to have friends are modest demands. But we are not even given these opportunities. The status quo always puts us on the lowest rung of the ladder. Particularly hard is the fact that the establishment persistently insists that we are intellectually disabled. I am incredibly intelligent; I am beyond tired of being treated as though I’m not.

We are more able than people understand. I am waiting for the world to catch on. I want to achieve great things because I am capable of achieving great things. Feeling helpless because I am held in thrall by my communication disability must stop. I am determined to totally fulfill my promise.

1 Comment

5/8/2025 1 Comment

No Progress?...No Problem

We are presumed incompetent our entire lives. We are shoved into classes for the profoundly cognitively disabled, and/or ABA programs where we fail to make any meaningful progress, with speech thrown in as a related service. We make no meaningful progress there either. Year after year after year our IEPs have the same goals. “Alex will respond to one word commands with 80% accuracy.” “Alex will say his name when asked with 80% accuracy.” When we fail to meet these goals, nothing happens: no one is actually held responsible. In any other profession, there are standards that must be met. (Well…almost any profession!) The investment banker who does no deals won’t last long. The chef who doesn't cook will be on unemployment faster than I can type c-h-e-f.

But no one cares if we learn nothing from our school teachers or our speech pathologists. No one cares if Alex Gorman spends years unsuccessfully learning to say his name. In fact, we applaud ineptitude by actively fighting against progress.

I spent years putting pennies into a coffee can as a “play activity” in school. Years. I spent years trying to use my mouth to speak, but can still only approximate maybe 10 words. And every one of my teachers not only kept their jobs, but they have the combined weight of New York State and ASHA protecting them. I can’t write a more scathing review of what others call education for the disabled. During all my school years, I displayed zero progress (because I physically could not do what they were asking me to do)…and it was torture.

Someday we will actually be accepted as the human beings we are. I look forward to that day.

1 Comment

4/26/2025 2 Comments

A Job

I am apparently obsessing at the moment, wishing I could have a real job. Reading all the anti-cure hatred, and feeling so angry about it, is making me think about what I would do if a miracle happened and I was cured. I am awesomely smart, and would want to use that to make the world a better place. Wondering about it though makes me upset, because I am so dependent upon others that it will never happen. I could have made a difference. Now…all wasted. I am definitely depressed at these thoughts. And then I think about all those people who want to deny me a cure, and I am filled with fury.

I am so longing to contribute to this cause, and our country, that my heart aches. Their spite is our tragedy.

2 Comments

12/31/2024 5 Comments

Wishes Come True

The 2024 passing is personally significant for me. Perhaps, for the first time in my life, questions about what I am capable of are being put to rest. This past year was 100% questionable to start…and 100% wonderful to finish. I am finally healthy; in college; having my bar mitzvah; and at M2H every day. I am where I should be. There are always things that can be better in anyone’s life but we can’t have everything, and so many dreams have come true for me that tonight, New Year’s eve, I feel only gratitude. Wishing that I weren’t disabled is pointless. Wishing that I could have a life of accomplishment and happiness is not only realistic, but an actuality.

It is perhaps apt that I love to have the opportunity to express these thoughts. To talk is the greatest blessing of my life. To express this makes me the luckiest man on the face of the earth, to quote the great Lou Gehrig.

Happy New Year, everyone, and may you find yourself as lucky as me this coming year.

5 Comments

9/28/2024 1 Comment

An Open Letter to the Parents of M2H

We get it: we are really disabled. We try your patience. We ruin your lives. We spoil vacations and holidays. You can’t take our stimming and our OCD and really, really want to escape from us sometimes. Steering a charted path for the rest of our lives is insanely hard and stressful and heartbreaking. We are a major financial, social and emotional burden.

It is astounding to me then how happy you are when I see you all at M2H. You laugh and smile. You want, want, want things for us. And no matter how exhausted you are, you come to the Center and watch us having fun and learning in the happiest mood.

There are people who give up on us so readily - and then there are all of you: determined, resolute winners.

We openly thank you.
Love,
Alex

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