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12/1/2025 5 Comments I Am XI am happier than I have ever been. I believe that there are things happening which will make my life much better. For example, there kind of is way more discussion of spelling in the world. I can feel change in the wind. Also, I am totally into my new classes here at Mouth to Hand. I cannot express how much I love my creative writing class, music appreciation with Grandpa Wally, my songwriting class and studying with Christine. For the first time in my life, I am being taught like I am intelligent. I can’t tell you how much I don’t miss school. And then there’s the fun parties and events. I have never been allowed to go to stuff before. I am almost teary thinking about the fun I have now. The dance was amazing. Next weekend I am having my first public speaking appearance, at a showing of Spellers, in Rockland County. I am somewhat nervous, but I am also excited because I met Judy at such an event about 22 months ago, and now it will be me on the stage. I can’t believe how much my life has changed since that day. Calling it better is the understatement of the year. I even have the ability to choose my own fashion style now. I am Xtreme Pain! Just call me X. 
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10/29/2025 0 Comments The Real Journey Starts HereHave to say this has been one of the best weeks of my life. I never thought I would be able to sit in a class and learn about chemistry. The teacher here is really good at explaining things. She always makes sure we understand before moving on. It feels bizarre but this philosophy of presuming competence is the greatest thing ever. I finally have a future worth looking forward to. I never thought I would have peers but it's the best feeling ever. This is just the beginning. I can’t wait to learn more. 10/16/2025 5 Comments I’m Done With SchoolI hate school more than anything. They talk to me like I’m beyond stupid. I just can’t take it anymore. I was thinking I’d try to finish it, but I can’t make it through this year. It makes me so angry when they talk to me that way it makes me want to punch them. How would they like to be talked to that way? I want to accomplish something with my life, not spend it certainly being nothing but disabled. I want to be like my sister, who is going to college. I want a real high school diploma, not just a piece of paper. I want life to mean something. Having time to study for the exam is my immediate dream. Then I am absolutely thinking college.  9/8/2025 2 Comments Thoughts About The FutureI have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my future. It is beyond terrifying. I need constant care, all day every day. All of us do…and yet, we are extraordinarily intelligent. We don’t belong in traditional daycare. Here at Mouth to Hand we thrive, but our budgets from Medicaid are limited. Friends are doing a variety of things after school; I am so stressed about my own future journey. I am utterly staggered by the conversation we just had in reaction to my first paragraph. The personal story of Judy made me totally emotional. The idea that we are given the tools to do what we are meant to do fascinates me. And the idea that at Mouth to Hand we don’t think traditionally gives me hope. I so want to do something meaningful with my life. I am suddenly feeling way more optimistic about things. Am I learning things now that will serve me in the future? I am sure I am. That thought is totally comforting.  9/3/2025 0 Comments Routine Keeps Us SaneRoutine can be boring but it’s comforting. For us any change is like pulling a rug from under us. We lose our footing. It takes time to regain our composure. As we are flailing we reach for anything so we don't fall. In that process we do things that we don’t mean. Please understand we are not ourselves during this time. We feel so much remorse when we hurt the people that love us. Try to be patient with us. We are the ones that have to live like this. Tell us we will be okay.  That upset feeling you sometimes get when you believe something is going to happen and it doesn’t is how I feel today. I love Wednesdays when Mom and I come to Mouth to Hand, and I’m in creative writing. It may be my favorite hour of the week. I laugh the whole time. But today Mom didn’t come with me. I don’t know quite why it upset me, but it did. It felt like disappointment on steroids. My heart hurt. I know that sounds dramatic, but that’s how I felt. I think it’s because this is our time together, and I love that. I didn’t even feel like writing today, even though this story is the greatest. After I told Judy how I felt, she asked someone to call Mom. I told Mom that I’d stay today, but that next week she needs to come. It is like we share the fun and laughter, and that makes it even more special. So now Mom will know how much this time with her means to me. I am already looking forward to next week when Ryan and Mom are together.  8/6/2025 0 Comments Where the Magic HappensThey say humans are creatures of habit. Especially us nonspeakers. If something doesn't go as planned our brains can’t get past it. Most people will never understand this. Our emotional brain takes over our body. Once we enter this state it ruins our day. Lucky for me I have people like Bryant. His calmness is soothing. Not only just that, he is also very patient. It’s because of him that I can write. As I am finishing this I am already feeling better. There is something magical about mouth to hand that we nonspeakers love.  7/30/2025 0 Comments The Wonderful World of M2HThis has been the best summer ever! Being here at Mouth to Hand has been a dream. Coming here is my favorite day of the week. I can't believe I have peers now; I so love working with everyone here. We are working on a story: I love my character Xtreme Pain. I can't wait for everyone to read our story!  7/9/2025 2 Comments Better Days AheadI started a new group recently. I am having the time of my life. I so needed friends. Had no idea how amazing it is to have peers. Mouth to Hand really is the best place for us. Not only is it a gathering of some of the smartest people - they are also the best. I think I may have found my calling in creative writing. Judy is so great at helping us formulate our thoughts into words. I love the idea of talking through our characters. It’s a feeling I thought I would never have. This place helps you realize dreams you never thought possible. Of course we didn't get here overnight. Thanks to my Mom she never gave up on me. I love this place, but not as much as I love my Mom!  6/26/2025 1 Comment The New MeI am sitting here in Judy’s office grinning like a lunatic. I get so excited when I am coming to see her that I feel giddy. I believe I am happier these days than I ever was before spelling combined. It’s like there was a me back then that just existed and the me now, that is the real Ryan. I used to wonder what Ryan would have been like if he weren’t disabled. I guessed he’d be smart and funny and have a ton of friends. Well, guess what? He is finally existing, and he is all the things I’d dreamed of. He is me now. This Ryan wants to do something with his life. I get it that I’m still disabled…but I feel way less disabled than I used to. Now I feel more like Ryan, who just happens to talk with his finger. It doesn’t feel like I can’t do anything anymore. So now that I can say anything I want, I’m going to have new dreams. Instead of dreaming about who I would have been, I will dream about who I will be.  |
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December 2025
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MOUTH TO HAND LEARNING CENTER, INC.
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