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SEEING THE SUN

BY PAUL KLEIN

All my life I prayed for a miracle: to have a voice. My thoughts were mine alone, and that is the loneliest thing on earth. The first day I met Judy was like the first day I saw the sun. Within minutes I was talking to her on the laminate. I could talk! My world opened up, like a flower unfolding. Now all those thoughts that were trapped inside are bubbling out, like a soda can that’s been shaken. What is more precious than talking? What is more precious than friends? What is more precious than sharing who we are with each other?

6/12/2025 2 Comments

Doing Nothing

I am thinking about so many things lately, including personal goals. There is so much that I want to do with my life. Living for a long time is meaningless without accomplishment.

So what do I want to accomplish? College is my main goal, first of all. I am incredibly intelligent, and I am going to waste. There is so much that I could be doing if I could learn more. I love math and science. I also really love literature - I am thinking that in an ideal world, I’d major in literature. (I particularly love all the books I’ve read in my book club, especially Austen.)

If I appear bitter lately in my blog posts, it’s because I am. I am angry and grief-stricken about it all, and how unfair it is. Being disabled is a nightmare that never ends but being disabled and accomplishing nothing is beyond description.

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6/5/2025 0 Comments

Ability

We know that typing for communication is real. We know that we are writing our real thoughts. We are more than capable of learning, and are highly intelligent. But we are also kept back from achieving our goals by this faulty system of communication which requires a trained CP to assist us.

I am being held back in so many ways. I am watching my sisters do things that I could do too, if only I could talk. I am most acutely aware of my limitations, and my heart aches every day seeing them achieve what I cannot. What is really upsetting is knowing what you could do if only you had a better system of communication.

We are so incredibly capable of doing amazing things. We are incredible at math and science, writing and matters of interest, like ethics. What we could do if only communication were easier and more independent! We are letting an amazing resource go to waste.

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5/29/2025 2 Comments

Done With the BS

I cannot stop thinking about those people who don’t want a cure for autism. I hate them so much. I came in today and told Judy that I am so worried that they will stop research into the causes and cure. Her response made me want to write this blog post.

Firstly, there is the why of what they believe. I guess that I can understand that they don’t want people to see themselves negatively. But the fact is that my disability adversely affects my life. I cannot do anything by myself; I am utterly dependent on my family. I have to watch my sisters achieve things that I cannot. I am so tired of it…and I am only in my twenties.

Judy explained that there is likely no ill intent on the part of some of them. Some believe that it hurts people’s feelings to imply that there is something wrong with them. I find that to be a naive and misguided way of thinking. I am only too aware that there is something wrong with me, and calling a spade a spade is not hurtful: it is reality. I am not only not into pretending I’m not disabled, I want people to acknowledge it and help to find solutions.

I have come to understand that there are an awful lot of people who do not have good intentions too. Autism is big business, after all. I am old enough to recognize that money is all-too-often more important than human suffering. So facing facts, there are a lot of people who don’t want autism to be cured because they are making money off of our suffering.

I don’t know which is the bigger group, the misguided, naive morons, or the money-grubbing assholes, but I am fed up. I want to be cured like yesterday. I want a chance to totally fulfill my intellectual abilities. I want to be independent. I want the chance to be the Paul who lives inside this malfunctioning body.

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5/8/2025 0 Comments

Still Arguing?!

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately, including the recent discussions about the existence of an autism epidemic. Is it really an argument? When the numbers were at one in a hundred, I thought the world had woken up to our reality. I didn’t realize that people were still denying it.

What really pisses me off is that all that time more and more children were getting sick, and so many people were practically celebrating it as a gift. All of us here at Mouth to Hand are currently unable to speak with our mouths. While typing for communication is a blessing, it is still limited. And we all suffer in so many other ways.

I’d give anything to not be autistic. Every day I pray that a cure is found. Maybe now that there is actual recognition of the reality that we and our families face, things will move ahead more.

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4/17/2025 0 Comments

M2H Reflections

To come to M2H is to learn a new way to think about yourself. All our lives we are told, both verbally and non-verbally, how impaired we are. We hear teachers and therapists. We see people’s facial expressions and body language. We sense their fear or condescension. There are people who are not phased by my differences…but there is no place like M2H.

From the moment you step through the door, you can feel the difference. It’s actually not easy to describe, but as best as I am able, it’s that no one here cares if you are disabled. Everything about their body language, and the words that come out of their mouths, screams of the fact that here you are just you, speaking or nonspeaking, black or white, short or tall, thin or round, etc. Here I am just Paul who is hyper and handsome, intelligent and intense. My body does its thing, and no one gives a damn; it never changes the way you are seen.

All this to say that I desperately miss it here when I go to South America in the winter. Yes, it’s warm and beautiful, but it’s not M2H…and that’s all that really matters.

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4/10/2025 1 Comment

The Gala

The annual Mouth to Hand gala is just beyond amazing. It really shows the world what we are capable of doing in many ways. Personally, the presentation Judy makes is the best moment of my year. When my photo comes up, I feel such pride in myself and all I’ve accomplished that I don’t have the words to express it. I don’t usually feel proud to be me, so that’s a really great moment.

Appearing on that screen means that you’re a Mouth to Hander. And that’s the best thing on earth to be.

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3/27/2025 0 Comments

Home!

Today I came back from my South American winter. The joy I feel today is indescribable. The world is sunnier and the sky is bluer. Wishes that people have when they go away pale in comparison to my desire to come back to Mouth to Hand. When I arrived here this morning I wanted to cry with happiness. There is just nothing like working with Judy: it feels so completely calming. I am home…and the happiness is pouring out of me.

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2/13/2025 0 Comments

Our Coffee Shop

Cafe Felic [pronounced Fe-lees] is a coffee shop where I work - I have learned how to make coffee! We have a menu with many choices: ice coffee, cappuccino, juices, pastries (like banana bread, cupcakes, cheese bread, etc.) and more. We make all the food here, with our cook, Tatiana. She also makes delicious sandwiches. I also serve food and drinks to our guests. During the weekend it is really busy, when we have polo games. (Polo season is from December through March.) I work from Tuesday through Saturday, from 2:00-6:00. Alvaro and Fernando (who I’ve written about before) are my helpers.

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2/6/2025 2 Comments

Our Farm, In Uruguay

Our hotel is named Santa Cruz because my mother is from Santa Cruz, Bolivia. The hotel is in Jose Ignacio, Uruguay, near Punta Del Este, which is a large, tourist town. People come to stay with us from all over, especially from Brazil, Argentina, England, the US, Germany, and Canada. They like to enjoy nature and horseback riding. We have a swimming pool and a coffee shop (where I work), and also a small restaurant, where breakfast is served. We have 3 vegetable gardens, with all kinds of lettuces and herbs. Guests love going to the beach, especially the surfers. They also like to watch polo games. We can have up to 25 guests at one time. Each room has a microwave in a small kitchen, where people can prepare their meals. There are grocery stores 10 minutes away. We also have bikes to ride around the area.

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2/6/2025 0 Comments

My Friend, Fernando

Fernando is a bartender at our little bar at the polo fields. Visitors come to watch polo tournaments and order drinks or coffee. He is the coolest guy I ever met. He makes me the best drinks! I certainly love the maracudja [passion fruit] he makes! He is an expert in making the Brazilian drink, caipirinha. [This is a Brazilian cocktail, with cachaca (which is a hard liquor made from sugarcane), sugar, lime and ice.]

Fernando has a girlfriend named Sheila, who is also Brazilian. They are the perfect couple. They are always happy and very nice to me. It is always great to be around them. They are only here until March and then they go back to Baia - and I go back to America.

Fernando tells me great stories about his country. He loves fishing and his mom comes along with him. I asked him a little more about himself:

P: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
F: I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers.So there are 8 of us in total.
P: What do you miss from Brazil?
F: I miss my 3 dogs and the beach. The water at the beaches are warmer than here where I’m from in Brazil. What do you miss most from America?
P: Going to Mouth to Hand! What is your dream city?
F: Singapore. What is your dream city?
P: I don’t have one special city, but I want to see kangaroos in Australia.