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1/9/2026 0 Comments Medicine Please…And Soon!I feel incredibly relieved. My psychiatrist is putting me on the same medicine that has helped Alex so much. I can’t wait. The looping thoughts are making me nuts. Having so much anxiety and OCD is ruining my life. I can’t even go to my favorite class, Music with Grandpa Wally. We suffer more than words can say from these mental illnesses. Honestly, they are worse than not being able to talk. 
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12/12/2025 0 Comments MusingsI get we must have the real reason autism has increased exponentially in the past few decades to come up with treatments. It will take decades to happen even if the reason is found. It is very disheartening to think about it. The thing is, no one understands how we are different from the speakers. They are socially disabled; we are not. More than that, we cannot speak with our mouths. We struggle with OCD and anxiety; so do they. In other words, there are overlaps but also huge differences. If researchers don’t understand what we are, in actuality, how can they help us? These musings haunt me.  5/21/2025 0 Comments Communication WoesThere are words that I especially love, like communication. I think about it all the time, because it means so many things. What’s so particularly odd about it is that even people who are neurotypical often don’t understand each other’s meanings. We nonspeakers can not only not use our mouths to talk, but can’t nod, or use hand signals, or even facial expressions. We cannot use writing with pens or body language. And we are reliant on the communication partner. Not only is communication very difficult for us, it is insanely easy to misunderstand our meanings. We need to spell out things like “hahaha” or “LOL” to ensure that people know we are joking. We need to spell out our emotions because our faces, too often, don’t reflect what we are feeling. The point is that no one should assume things when conversing with us. The reason we word things the way we do, is to make sure we are understood. We need to certainly be extremely precise in our words because we have no nonverbal language. It has to affect our attempts at communication, the lack of facial expressions. We cannot even laugh out loud most of the time. With my whole heart, I wish my face reflected what I am feeling.  I just learned that RFK read my letter. To know that someone that important read my words makes me overjoyed. To have a voice that is actually heard moves me to tears. No one has the right to determine my feelings or views. That means that I can participate in political or social debate. When people make comments about not wanting a cure, they’ve never lived in bodies like ours. Really they need to shut up. So I am no longer going to stay silent. Thanks to typing for communication, I have a voice. From now on, I’m going to use it.  4/30/2025 0 Comments Open Letter to RFKDear Secretary Kennedy: Those people diagnosed with autism who are attacking you do not speak for me. I have the nonspeaking kind of autism. We nonspeakers get passed over in light of the fact that we cannot advocate for ourselves. I am one of the few lucky ones who was taught to spell to communicate. In an ideal world someone with power and money would take an interest in us. We are actually the polar opposites of those with speaking autism. We are not cognitively impaired, and in fact have higher than normal IQs. They have no understanding of others; we though are empaths. We do not have restricted interests, and are, in fact, interested in most things. They are loud, we are silent. We suffer - they do not. Please…help us. Sincerely, Ben Fischer  4/2/2025 1 Comment That PresenceI have really had these changes in my thinking since Alex’s bar mitzvah. Thinking, I feel that God was there. I have genuinely never felt that kind of peace before. I have no particular reason to say this, as I am not religious as all. But sitting there that day, I’ve felt something I’ve never felt before. My OCD vanished, my anxiety vanished, and I felt such love and peace. I wish that I always genuinely felt that. What that was, I suppose I’ll never know. But I do know that every nonspeaker there felt the same. Why my utterly horrendous anxiety vanished I don’t understand, since I always have it. I just wish I could always feel that way. It was glorious. And feeling at peace really was God’s presence.  3/26/2025 1 Comment The MessageI went to my friend’s bar mitzvah this past weekend. It was inspiring beyond measure. Seeing Alex standing on the stage reading the Torah was moving more than words can say. Writing about it moves me to tears. It utterly rocked in every way. The rabbis were something special to see: they sang together beautifully. The highlight was formally Torah reading using his keyboard, and Judy chanting for him. Wonder filled me at seeing him treated like a normal guy. So wonderful I could cry. His sermon was indescribably beautiful. He related the story of Moses telling the people to build a tabernacle to Judy creating Mouth to Hand. The lesson is that God will dwell in any place that is filled with love. Doing the Hallmark Moment thing now: the world needs more Alex-es.  3/12/2025 1 Comment Spellers UnboundI have come to the realization that reading Shelley is very intellectually stimulating for me. I am nothing if not a brooder. So I have been thinking endlessly about the poem-play Prometheus Unbound. I guess I really admire Prometheus. He can save himself from thousands of years of torture by just giving in to Jupiter’s tyranny. But to do so would mean the end of mankind’s hope for any kind of a better future. He bears his pain gladly to keep man’s hope alive. I guess that resonates with me. We nonspeakers have suffered too. We really suffer along with our families, who struggle every day to care for us and who fight every day to help us live a better life. Suffering stems from two sources: obviously our disability and our subjugation at the hands of organizations like ASHA. The state along with these types of organizations keep us in chains. That tyranny really is evil. Shelly tells us of the utopia that could exist if tyranny ends. And he tells us that love is the single more powerful force in the universe. To suffer woes which Hope thinks infinite To forgive wrongs darker than death or night; To defy Power, which seems omnipotent; To love, and bear… …This, like thy glory, Titan, is to be Good, great and joyous, beautiful and free; This is alone Life, Joy, Empire, and Victory. In the end teachers like Judy, parents like those I see at M2H, and brave professionals are the ones who, like Prometheus, resist tyranny. And that resistance is what will ultimately triumph.  1/16/2025 0 Comments The InvitationToday I got an invitation to my friend’s bar mitzvah. It’s the first time I have had my own friend invite me to something like this. My older brother got invitations all the time, but I never did. I am so excited there are no words. The thing is, we are normal inside, and it hurt to never have these kinds of experiences. To get a fancy invitation to a fancy party means more to me than I can say. Some things kind of hit you more than you think they would. This is one of those moments. The world that I knew before spelling is thankfully gone. The world that I live in now is one where I talk to people, discuss the poetry of Shelley or the sonata allegro form of a movement by Beethoven, and get invitations to friends’ bar mitzvahs. To quote Louis Armstrong, “Oh, what a wonderful world.”  1/13/2025 0 Comments The Meaning of the New SpaceThere are interesting things happening here at M2H. The new offices are open and new classes will be starting. People may start to come more often, and I hope I’m one of them. There are lots of meanings to this expansion. It has to imply that the demand for services is growing. It has to mean that spelling is becoming better known. Definitely it means that Judy has taken risks on our behalf. I have such love in my heart for her, for caring about us so much. The new space is really a testament to just how much she loves us. It represents so many wonderful things. It opened at the start of this new year, and to me that is a sign that this year will be a great one.  |
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January 2026
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MOUTH TO HAND LEARNING CENTER, INC.
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