MOUTH TO HAND LEARNING CENTER

10/9/2024 1 Comment

Please Hear Me...I Am In Here

It occurs to me often that happiness is a choice. That is something Judy says; and I think about it often and try to make that choice. It’s hard sometimes though. There are many times I make the decision to be miserable. It’s often the easier one.

Today, for example, I can’t make the decision to be happy. Why, you ask? The men in my life think that I’m cognitively disabled. It hurts more than I can say. Nothing I do matters: they have seen me spell on a laminate and type on a keyboard. I really hate that no matter what I do, they are not convinced. How they can have doubts after seeing me, I don’t know.

The fact that they see me as cognitively impaired means that they don’t know my words are real. Since they don’t, they never listen to me. There has to be a way I can get through to them or I totally will have endless misery.

1 Comment

9/25/2024 0 Comments

The Prison

My brain never stops thinking. I wish I could relax, but I can’t stop reliving some things, like the trauma of going away to school. Psychologically, I am a mess. Maybe I’m not alone in this: we nonspeakers have all suffered trauma simply by not being in control of our bodies. Totally, I am lucky in that I learned to spell relatively early in life. I often think about those who learned at much older ages…or those who will never learn. And then my heart starts to pound and I feel the panic on their behalf.

The loop of thoughts is endless. I am a prisoner of the OCD: I cannot do things I want to do if the OCD isn’t ok with it. For example, I really want to join the Wednesday songwriting group, but that requires a change in schedule. I really want to be in it, but that change is likely too much for me. I can’t tell you how traumatizing it is to not be able to do the things you want to do. My world is so restricted by the constant need for sameness. I want my world to open up to new possibilities and adventures.