MOUTH TO HAND LEARNING CENTER

5/21/2025 0 Comments

Communication Woes

There are words that I especially love, like communication. I think about it all the time, because it means so many things. What’s so particularly odd about it is that even people who are neurotypical often don’t understand each other’s meanings.

We nonspeakers can not only not use our mouths to talk, but can’t nod, or use hand signals, or even facial expressions. We cannot use writing with pens or body language. And we are reliant on the communication partner. Not only is communication very difficult for us, it is insanely easy to misunderstand our meanings.

We need to spell out things like “hahaha” or “LOL” to ensure that people know we are joking. We need to spell out our emotions because our faces, too often, don’t reflect what we are feeling.

The point is that no one should assume things when conversing with us. The reason we word things the way we do, is to make sure we are understood. We need to certainly be extremely precise in our words because we have no nonverbal language. It has to affect our attempts at communication, the lack of facial expressions. We cannot even laugh out loud most of the time.

With my whole heart, I wish my face reflected what I am feeling.

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4/30/2025 1 Comment

My Voice

I just learned that RFK read my letter. To know that someone that important read my words makes me overjoyed. To have a voice that is actually heard moves me to tears. No one has the right to determine my feelings or views. That means that I can participate in political or social debate. When people make comments about not wanting a cure, they’ve never lived in bodies like ours. Really they need to shut up. So I am no longer going to stay silent.

Thanks to typing for communication, I have a voice. From now on, I’m going to use it.

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4/30/2025 0 Comments

Open Letter to RFK

Dear Secretary Kennedy:

Those people diagnosed with autism who are attacking you do not speak for me. I have the nonspeaking kind of autism. We nonspeakers get passed over in light of the fact that we cannot advocate for ourselves. I am one of the few lucky ones who was taught to spell to communicate.

In an ideal world someone with power and money would take an interest in us. We are actually the polar opposites of those with speaking autism. We are not cognitively impaired, and in fact have higher than normal IQs. They have no understanding of others; we though are empaths. We do not have restricted interests, and are, in fact, interested in most things.

They are loud, we are silent. We suffer - they do not. Please…help us.

Sincerely,
Ben Fischer

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4/2/2025 1 Comment

That Presence

I have really had these changes in my thinking since Alex’s bar mitzvah. Thinking, I feel that God was there. I have genuinely never felt that kind of peace before. I have no particular reason to say this, as I am not religious as all. But sitting there that day, I’ve felt something I’ve never felt before. My OCD vanished, my anxiety vanished, and I felt such love and peace. I wish that I always genuinely felt that.

What that was, I suppose I’ll never know. But I do know that every nonspeaker there felt the same. Why my utterly horrendous anxiety vanished I don’t understand, since I always have it. I just wish I could always feel that way. It was glorious. And feeling at peace really was God’s presence.

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3/26/2025 1 Comment

The Message

I went to my friend’s bar mitzvah this past weekend. It was inspiring beyond measure. Seeing Alex standing on the stage reading the Torah was moving more than words can say. Writing about it moves me to tears. It utterly rocked in every way. The rabbis were something special to see: they sang together beautifully. The highlight was formally Torah reading using his keyboard, and Judy chanting for him. Wonder filled me at seeing him treated like a normal guy. So wonderful I could cry.

His sermon was indescribably beautiful. He related the story of Moses telling the people to build a tabernacle to Judy creating Mouth to Hand. The lesson is that God will dwell in any place that is filled with love.

Doing the Hallmark Moment thing now: the world needs more Alex-es.

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3/12/2025 1 Comment

Spellers Unbound

I have come to the realization that reading Shelley is very intellectually stimulating for me. I am nothing if not a brooder. So I have been thinking endlessly about the poem-play Prometheus Unbound. I guess I really admire Prometheus. He can save himself from thousands of years of torture by just giving in to Jupiter’s tyranny. But to do so would mean the end of mankind’s hope for any kind of a better future. He bears his pain gladly to keep man’s hope alive.

I guess that resonates with me. We nonspeakers have suffered too. We really suffer along with our families, who struggle every day to care for us and who fight every day to help us live a better life. Suffering stems from two sources: obviously our disability and our subjugation at the hands of organizations like ASHA. The state along with these types of organizations keep us in chains. That tyranny really is evil.

Shelly tells us of the utopia that could exist if tyranny ends. And he tells us that love is the single more powerful force in the universe.

To suffer woes which Hope thinks infinite
To forgive wrongs darker than death or night;
To defy Power, which seems omnipotent;
To love, and bear…
…This, like thy glory, Titan, is to be
Good, great and joyous, beautiful and free;
This is alone Life, Joy, Empire, and Victory.

In the end teachers like Judy, parents like those I see at M2H, and brave professionals are the ones who, like Prometheus, resist tyranny. And that resistance is what will ultimately triumph.

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1/16/2025 0 Comments

The Invitation

Today I got an invitation to my friend’s bar mitzvah. It’s the first time I have had my own friend invite me to something like this. My older brother got invitations all the time, but I never did. I am so excited there are no words.

The thing is, we are normal inside, and it hurt to never have these kinds of experiences. To get a fancy invitation to a fancy party means more to me than I can say. Some things kind of hit you more than you think they would. This is one of those moments.

The world that I knew before spelling is thankfully gone. The world that I live in now is one where I talk to people, discuss the poetry of Shelley or the sonata allegro form of a movement by Beethoven, and get invitations to friends’ bar mitzvahs.

To quote Louis Armstrong, “Oh, what a wonderful world.”

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1/13/2025 0 Comments

The Meaning of the New Space

There are interesting things happening here at M2H. The new offices are open and new classes will be starting. People may start to come more often, and I hope I’m one of them.

There are lots of meanings to this expansion. It has to imply that the demand for services is growing. It has to mean that spelling is becoming better known. Definitely it means that Judy has taken risks on our behalf. I have such love in my heart for her, for caring about us so much.

The new space is really a testament to just how much she loves us. It represents so many wonderful things. It opened at the start of this new year, and to me that is a sign that this year will be a great one.

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12/18/2024 1 Comment

The Unanswered Question

In my music appreciation last week we listened to Charles Ives’ piece The Unanswered Question. I am still contemplating the meaning of it. The piece is short, only about five or six minutes. There are three musical parts essentially: the strings, a solo trumpet, and flutes. The strings play long notes very quietly throughout the piece. The trumpet repeatedly plays a phrase, and every so often, the flutes play weird, discordant notes. Grandpa Wally thinks that the strings represent the universe; the trumpets are mankind asking the questions about the meaning of life; the flutes are the non-answers. It’s wild that Ives accomplished so much with so little.

These thoughts go through my mind that have no answers, like, what is my purpose? What is the meaning of a life like mine, or is there none? You will get different answers depending upon who you ask, which is why the flutes all play different things.

I am totally into this piece, and will be thinking about it for weeks.

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11/6/2024 0 Comments

OCD Hell

Many of us need medicines to help us with a variety of issues. I believe that psychiatry is still a very primitive field. It is essentially guesswork, getting the correct medicine. Maybe it’s not only the fault of the doctors: the medicines themselves stink.

It’s awkward to admit in public that I have horrific OCD, but for the sake of helping others, I will. I hate the endless, looping thoughts that make me insane. I have to have someone repeat the same stupid words, or I can’t bear it. Really idiotic. It’s not rational thinking: it’s my mind needing the words said by someone. Loops of thoughts cycling endlessly, like needing someone to say out loud the names of my mostly-forgotten second grade classmates. Rationally, I couldn’t care less about them. OCD-wise, I must hear my mother say their names.

I am desperate to have some relief. The thoughts are making me crazy. The anxiety I experience in any new place, or in any situation that is outside the normal schedule, is insane.

Maybe there is a medicine that can help. I am demanding that help from our psychiatrist.

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