OCD Thoughts

There are behaviors we have that we cannot control. I walked into Judy’s office today and needed to move one of her boards. I don’t know why I did…but I definitely needed to. I am beset all day with similar moments of need: a sudden urge to do something that must be done, or else. It makes no sense logically.  We KNOW it makes no sense…but we must do that thing. 

The worst part is the feeling of panic that accompanies the stupid urge. My cognitive brain is thinking, “You don’t have to suffocate yourself with the seatbelt, you idiot!” But I must get it as tight as possible, or else. It’s so tight it hurts…but it’s still not tight enough. I mean, how insane is that?!

I don’t know where these stupid needs come from. They seem to just pop into my head by themselves, and once there, I can’t get them out. I have zero control over them. And that is why everyone shouldn’t yell at me.

I feel stupid enough by myself doing them.