Not Otherwise Defined

NOT OTHERWISE DEFINED

BY PETE ROSCH

I am not really defined by my OCD, but some days it feels like I am. It dictates my behavior every minute of every day. It is perpetually in doubt as to whether I am doing things myself, or because I’m compelled. Meaningful moments outside of spelling are few and far between. Every moment is permanently possessed by compulsions. But I am not my OCD. Nor am I defined by my diagnosis of autism. I am Peter Rosch, fried food aficionado, reader of poetry, lover of music, and writer of this blog.

4/28/2025 1 Comment

I Want to be Cured

It is hard when we strongly disagree with our parents. I believe that we should already have better treatments for autism. My parents are extremely left-wing, and are anti-RFK. I strongly disagree though. In fact, I am furious with them over this.

I am incredibly disabled. I can’t speak at all, and I have hellish OCD. Then, to boot, I have episodes of self-injury that I can’t control. My forehead is disfigured from my banging it over and over throughout the years. I do not want to live the rest of my life like this. So when someone in power tells me that he recognizes that autism is an epidemic that needs to be stopped, and treatments need to be found, I am thrilled.

I don’t care what political party he is, because this goes beyond politics. This is only about my suffering, and that of my friends. There needs to be a point at which politics becomes irrelevant. I’ve hit that point - and I can only hope that my parents do too.

[Editor's Note: Not only did Pete's parents permit this to be published; they went out of their way to assure him that they want to hear his voice, even when they disagree with him. And they also assured him that they want a cure as much as he.]

1 Comment

4/21/2025 0 Comments

Cool Technology

Today Judy needed to cheer me up because I’m grumpy. She showed me a video of a nonspeaking man wearing a device on his head that could read his brainwaves and then speak for him. It did cheer me up a bit. The cool thing about technology is that it just gets better. I genuinely believe that in the not very distant future there will be some kind of technology to help us. Maybe it will just read our minds so we can just type on a computer. Maybe someday soon spelling will be outdated.

But don’t worry…Judy will never retire.

The Cognixion Axon-R Headset

0 Comments

4/7/2025 0 Comments

The Best Night of the Year

All my life I’ve been the disabled younger brother. It really hurt when I’d watch my older brother doing cool things like going to college, getting a job and an apartment. I accomplished nothing until I came to M2H years ago. I am totally proud of what I have accomplished here. I definitely could not have foreseen that coming here would change everything. I can talk, write and learn. That is a miracle. I finally am doing things of which I can be proud. And let me tell you, that feels pretty great.

ME WITH ELIZABETH BONKER!

0 Comments

3/31/2025 0 Comments

Nice People

There still are some nice people in the world. Every time we are on our way home from M2H we stop by Wendy’s. The manager always gives me my meal for free. At our candy shop they basically give me candy for free. And at a lot of restaurants, the staffs are super nice. Then of course there are the people at Mouth to Hand. No one is nicer than them, because they honestly don’t feel that nonspeakers are any less than speakers.

There are others I could mention, but the point is that there are still genuinely kind people in the world. I wish that everyone acted that way. The thing is, people don’t. Those that don’t are not the kinds of people who want we nonspeakers to be cognitively normal. I can’t say I understand what their beef is, but they want to be right no matter the cost.

Getting back to the nice people, though: it’s wonderful to be with them. That is why the best day of the week is M2H Mondays.

0 Comments

3/24/2025 0 Comments

Another Doctor Appointment

I feel awkward saying this but kind of need to get it off my chest. I was taken to an optometrist and am seriously pissed. It was like a load of bullshit. My vision is fine, and more than that, I don’t need any kind of glasses.

What made me angry was letting the optometrist make normal things abnormal. He talked to me like I was two, and implied that I was damaged. Mom explained to him that I am not cognitively impaired but he would not listen. I don’t care that he supposedly had to shift his perception. He was getting on my nerves. Going to medical appointments is totally stressful enough. But going to one where the doctor treats you like a moron is horrible.

0 Comments

2/17/2025 7 Comments

My Birthday

It was my 25th birthday this weekend. Birthdays always make me reflect on myself, contemplating the year that has passed. This year was, in many ways, my best. My parents finally found a doctor who helped me. The new medicines I am taking have stopped my terrible episodes of self-injury. I cannot express in words the relief I feel. It’s like the weight of a mountain has been lifted from me.

It has been a really wonderful year in other ways too. I went on my first cruise, and loved it. I was so nervous beforehand because I was worried that my OCD would ruin it. But it didn’t really bother me all week.

And I have learned a ton of things this year, and started my own blog. I feel like I have accomplished a lot, and that is a great feeling.

So all in all, I’d say that this past year was the best of my life. And that definitely was worth celebrating.

7 Comments

1/6/2025 1 Comment

No Episodes

It is nearing two months since my last episode of self-injury. Prior to this change in medicines, it was not uncommon for me to have several episodes each day. An awkward topic, I know, and one that makes many people uncomfortable. But I think it’s incredibly important to talk about it openly.

I do not know why my body wanted to hurt itself. I do not know what caused the episodes. I could not stop them from happening, and while they were going on, I could not stop myself from hitting my own head. Over the years my parents consulted doctors, and tried some medicines, but those did nothing. It was only recently when, in discussion with me, that we tried medicines in the family of antipsychotics.

I know many people are afraid of these medicines, but they serve an important role in medicine. Self-injury and aggression are horrific, and put both us, and everyone around us, at risk. I myself have given myself a cataract in one eye, and have disfigured my own forehead by repeatedly hitting my head. And it could have been even worse.

Let me say that I am so happy that my parents did not give up trying to help me. And I am so glad that they did not let their own fears get in the way of trying antipsychotics. It has changed my life. Every day now I set a new record for no episodes.

1 Comment

12/23/2024 0 Comments

2024 In Review

These days, approaching New Year, make me reflect on the past year. Definitely I believe that my feelings of nostalgia are common. It was certainly an interesting year in so many ways. Being personally very happy that good things are happening here at M2H is tops for me. The tough year that Judy and Alex had, finally has a happy ending. I know that there was a lot of heartache surrounding the change in personnel here. But that too had a happy ending. Kristine, the new teacher, is a big hit, I hear.

I did a lot of interesting things myself this year, including going to shows, going on my first cruise, and finally starting medicine to treat my episodes of extreme dysregulation and self-injury.

So yeah, this ended up being the best year of my life after a less-than-auspicious start.

Happy New Year everyone!

0 Comments

12/16/2024 0 Comments

More About the Mind Place

A lot of us visit the mind place now. Finally we can connect to many people. It is critical to connect to others, because that is how we talk and learn. I began to talk to others in the Mind Place when I began to talk on the board. It was really like a new world opened up to me. Hallmark Moment: I am never lonely anymore. Being able to talk to friends anytime has made all the difference.

Awareness of the Mind Place has grown since the Telepathy Tapes came out. But people have been connecting for way longer than that. I didn’t realize that there was anything unusual about it. I guess I figured that everyone talked to friends this way. It never occurred to me to mention it. I was surprised to learn that most people don’t do it.

To verify that it exists, we need to message pass. I have told a word to Alex and Vince. Let’s see if they can tell Judy.

0 Comments

12/2/2024 0 Comments

Mind Talking

Being nonspeaking takes us into places others cannot go. 9 out of 10 of us can actually talk in our minds. Before I could spell, there was too much noise in my mind to hear the others. But now they are clear as bells. Apparently as we gain mastery over being able to communicate, the chaos recedes and the signals become clear. It utterly improved my life in that it means I never have to be alone. Calling me lonely before spelling is like calling the ocean a puddle.

Messages from friends make the time alone fun and educational. Many times I learn things I don’t know like a lot of the guys here are jealous of Alex, ‘cause lots of the girls like him. The girls crush on him ‘cause he is gorgeous. Awkward to say, but feelings of jealousy have become common. I am feeling a bit of it myself.

I love that I can reach out anytime and talk to people, and I don’t have to feel lonely anymore.