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MY COGNITIVE BRAIN

BY KEITH MAKAR

Getting to this point, where I can spell relatively easily, has taken the better part of 4 years. It was considerably harder for me than most people. Definitely I am grateful that Judy persisted, even though I am difficult. It is hard for me to control my hand even now, but I can do it.

All my life I’ve been thought cognitively impaired because my mouth has a mind of its own. It babbles idiocy all day. I am not my mouth. I am what Judy calls my cognitive brain.

10/28/2024 1 Comment

Jealousy

Let’s talk about an awkward subject today: jealousy. I’m not proud of what I’m about to type, but I confess that sometimes I am jealous of my siblings. Feeling that way is not a nonspeaking-specific thing, I know. Feeling jealousy is pretty universal; certainly plenty of siblings have experienced the same thing. But the thing is, I love my siblings and feel guilty about my jealousy.

I have three younger brothers all of whom are tall and handsome, and who can speak. Almost forgot to mention that they are extremely talented athletes too. Me, I’m short; have zero athletic ability; and can’t speak with meaning. Sometimes the unfairness of it all hits me, and I get angry. I hate being angry…and, in actuality, I am incredibly proud of my brothers.

They are definitely the greatest siblings on earth too. They include me in everything so I never feel left out. That almost makes my jealousy worse: I feel almost evil when it hits me.

I am the luckiest guy in so many ways. I have the most wonderful family on the planet. My Mom never rests in trying to help me. I am loved. I get to come to M2H twice a week. I need to work harder on curbing that demon inside me.

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10/21/2024 1 Comment

ECT

I am feeling better each week, as I get more ECT. Again, I feel more like myself every day. I have no more thoughts of death on replay going endlessly through my mind. I have some memory loss now, which is common. But to not have thoughts of dying all the time…it’s worth it. Definitely I can tell that I’m getting better because I can sit still again.

Other treatments did nothing or made me worse. I have been on so many medicines that have failed to help me. Because of Alex’s experiences so many of us are being helped. I believe I am getting better in terms of the depression. I just hope it helps the OCD over time.

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