Scary Me

Finding people who are the type to learn to love us is hard. Maybe a lot of people are willing to work with us, but not a lot are capable of loving us. After all, we are scary. People see me and are terrified: I am a very big man. I can tell when people are frightened of me, and it hurts more than I can say. All my adult life I’ve had to contend with that fear, and it has scarred me. 


I have been thinking about this recently, and realize that I have healed a lot these past few years. I think it’s a combination of things. Firstly, of course, being able to talk has allowed me to vent rather than being bottled up inside. Secondly, walking into M2H is healing: no one here is afraid of any of us. I will Hallmark Moment for a second. Judy was genuinely shocked to learn I had been feared. That says more to me than I can put into words.

Finally, listening to the cheers every time I walk in here reminds me to not care what people think about me outside these walls. “So what if they are scared of me?” I can now say to myself, “In here I am known and seen and never feared.”

The fact is I will always be intimidating to those who don’t know me. But now it doesn’t hurt anymore.