Panic

The insistence on sameness by so many of us has been on my mind. I believe it has to do with anxiety and the need to control things. The world can be overwhelming for us, for so many reasons. We hear, see and feel more than ordinary people. Sometimes it can be hard to bear, and we act like we are crazy.

Over the weekend we went out for dinner with friends, and I flipped. I’m mortified now, of course, but at that moment I didn’t care what I looked like. I became distraught for no real reason. If I had to give it a name, I’d call it a panic, because my heart is beating out of my chest, and it feels like I can’t breathe. When it happens I’m always embarrassed, but I can't actually stop it from happening. It feels worse than I can describe.

Really, I’ve come to believe that in an attempt to try to prevent it, we try to prevent anything that could potentially set it off. That is my personal belief anyway. So let us have the chance to tidy up, or to close doors, or to push chairs into the table. It helps to keep us calm. We need all the help we can get.