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FINALLY

By Brett Schaffran

At 34 I spoke my first word. I am a speller, and my name is Brett Schaffran. All my life there was the desire to speak: but my mouth doesn’t listen to my brain. For a long time I believed I might one day be able to, but when I realized that would never happen, I despaired. Almost all of us are seen by the world as incapable. But given the right supports, we are very capable indeed.

My life has changed so much in the past year. Feelings of joy are now the norm for me, rather than the exception. My dream of talking has come true…and I want to finally be heard.

4/28/2025 0 Comments

Not the Same

Today I spent some of my session having Judy read some of the letters people here have written to RFK. They were amazing, and heart-breaking. The thing I keep coming back to in my own mind is that our disability is the opposite of the actual autism. They don’t understand other people. They are restricted in their interests. We are not only NOT restricted in our interests - we are interested in almost everything. And the main thing about us is that we completely understand other people.

We nonspeakers have a motor disorder and OCD so severe that we have little control over ourselves. We are not the same diagnosis, even though we are called the same. I sincerely hope that science catches on to that soon.

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3/3/2025 1 Comment

Look Up Into the Sky

Who could ever have thought that I would be sitting here discussing learning to read Hebrew? At my age, the idea of talking was beyond remote. When I first came to M2H, I had given up on everything. I am, like, still reeling that I can talk. So lessons to learn to read Hebrew are crazy. I am laughing as I write this, ‘cause this is to me like someone telling you speakers that you can learn to fly. It’s fantasy. It’s actually hard to absorb.

We spend our childhoods wanting to talk in the worst way. Then when we’re old enough to understand that it’s never going to happen, we give up. I cannot express in words how completely shocking it is to be able to talk. It is you flying.

So now I will be able to read Hebrew? Forget you flying! - now it’s pigs I see.

The impossible is happening.

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2/17/2025 0 Comments

No Limits

When I found out that Alex was reading Torah, memories of my own bar mitzvah resurfaced. It was over twenty years ago, so at a time when everyone believed that I was cognitively impaired. It was a beautiful, and to me heart-breaking, affair. I am into having a real one, now that I can talk. People need to see me read Hebrew from the Torah. That is a dream of mine that can come true.

Why does it matter, you ask. You had a bar mitzvah, Brett, you are thinking. I did not have a bar mitzvah: the cognitively impaired unreal Brett did. He did not learn to read Hebrew because no one thought him capable. Real Brett can and will learn, and then read Torah like a totally normal Jewish person.

Alex has shown us that things we thought were pipe dreams can actually happen. Maybe this dream isn’t impossible. And that means that maybe other dreams are not impossible. Alex got his high school diploma; he showed us all that that is possible too.

So I’ll start learning Hebrew. And then the sky’s the limit.

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2/3/2025 2 Comments

My Sister

My parents just asked me if I want my sister to come to M2H. It is a dream of mine to have her see me spell. She has only known me as cognitively disabled Brett. Since I have been able to talk, she needs to meet the real me: we are siblings who have never had the opportunity to talk. That’s water under the bridge now but, I want to have a real relationship with her going forward. We always loved each other, but I couldn’t tell her that in the past. So yes, I am excited about her visit to talk to me. Siblings should always make time to talk to each other.

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1/21/2025 0 Comments

Them

Today I wrote a poem to those nonspeakers still trapped within their minds. Many of my friends from school are still stuck in traditional daycare and group homes, and I know they will never get out. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of them. It hurts my heart thinking of those who can’t talk…and never will.

What life they will lead is torture. They will spend their days in daycare programs that are mind-numbing, being talked to as if they are vegetables. They will have no one ever know who they really are. They will have no opportunities to learn. They will never be able to accomplish anything, and any dreams they had for their lives will never come true.

I am going to keep wishing that they get to come here someday. That way my heart won’t ache every day.

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1/6/2025 0 Comments

The Coup

Let me be perfectly clear: there are no other places on earth like M2H. I am 35 and have been around the block a few thousand times. Teachers that care about their students the way Judy does are beyond few and far between.

We are in the middle of a silent revolution that will change everything about how nonspeaking people with autism are perceived. Instead of seeing us as the most profoundly cognitively disabled people on earth, someday in the not-very-distant future, we will be seen as the most brilliant, creative and extraordinary people. And M2H will be the fountainhead, leading the way.

It already is, because it’s the one place we are seen as we are.

We are the most fortunate: we are the first to herald the apocalypse. And those who are currently kept in chains by the blind establishment will be free too. Sound the trumpets! M2H is taking over.

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12/23/2024 2 Comments

Help Them

Recently several friends of my parents came to see me spell here at M2H. They have children about my age, so around thirty. These friends totally ignored my ability to talk to them. They likened this to ProLoQuoToGo, which was ridiculous. I will absolutely set the record straight for those unfamiliar with spelling and/or the app, ProLoQuotoGo.

ProLoQuo is an app that can be configured with picture icons that, when pressed, can say things like, “I need the bathroom” or “give me water please.” It’s mostly used to ask for simple things. People love to force us to use it, even though most of us hate it. Many of us OCD on it, and hit the same buttons over and over. I’m at my wit’s end: how can anyone think that’s in any way comparable to me spelling out my thoughts and desires?

Spelling allows me to converse like speakers do. Spelling allows me to write in normal language. Spelling allows me to engage in the world like anyone else. Spelling allows me to show people who I actually am. Spelling allows me to actually learn because I can show people what I know. Spelling allows me to create poetry, or this blog, as I express myself fully.

To compare an app that only tells what I want, if that (and that’s assuming it’s programmed in), to spelling, is particularly obtuse. That is the response of someone who is not interested in changing the status quo. They have their children in traditional daycare, and really don’t want to be bothered to jump into anything new.

That conversation was incredibly upsetting to me because I know their children, and I know they could learn to do this. Instead, they will all die without anyone ever knowing them. Definitely, that makes my heart ache.

Listen to me, all you parents who are unwilling to try this: your child is being tortured, and is alone and terrified. They know that no one will ever know them, and are lonely to the point of agony.

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11/25/2024 0 Comments

Fear

People need to understand more about who nonspeakers really are. We can read others’ feelings easily, and know that most people are afraid of us. People don’t like what is different from them, and boy!...are we different. That’s kind of an understatement, to be honest. We are loud, and our bodies are not in control. We begin to stim, and people freak out. Talking for myself, I perceive fear often in others. It is so ubiquitous that I can tune it out at times.

But sometimes it hurts. We are only scary if you don’t get us. My hope is that someday the sight of a nonspeaker will evoke as much reaction as a lightbulb…and that no one will bombard me with fear again. I believe that one day we will not inspire fear so much; after all, there are a lot of us.

The thing that inspired the writing of this was an incident that happened at the Jets game two weeks ago. My OCD made me take a child’s water bottle. He freaked out, understandably, and I felt sick over it. His fear totally washed over me. Maybe people won’t get so scared someday to have someone like me do that.

For all my life, I always felt fear everywhere. I hope it stops.

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11/11/2024 6 Comments

The Great Teacher Mystery

I have been thinking a lot lately about what makes a great teacher. Is a great teacher someone competent to teach the subject, or is there an unintelligible quality that defies description? Or is it someone who has the desire to impart knowledge? Or is it someone who feels passionately about student success? After much contemplation, I realize that it’s all these wrapped up in one person.

And that is why there are so few great teachers.

Many intelligent people go into teaching, but most are not great teachers. The quality that is the most difficult to describe is the most important. I feel that it is sort of an instinct that tells the teacher when to push a student and when to ease off. It tells the teacher when a student is not getting something and when they no longer need help: instinct and a feel that are not easy to describe. It’s like an artist who has a sixth sense for discerning beauty. A great teacher has a sixth sense for knowing how and when to get students to learn.

I have had many teachers in my life, and some truly cared about teaching. I believe many wanted me to succeed, and most were pretty nice people. The thing is, none could see past the disability. To them I was a disabled boy named Brett, rather than being Brett, who happens to have a disability. Having a disability is like having brown hair: it is not who someone is. It’s something someone has. Teachers lower their expectations for students with disabilities.

I am at last happy because there are people who see me and don’t give a damn if I speak with my mouth. These people teach me at the level I am, not the level I appear to be on the outside. All these people expect me to learn, so I do. I cannot begin to tell you what that feels like. After so many years of teachers expecting me to learn nothing really, I am now expected to notice iambic pentameter in a poem by Shelley or Wordsworth. That’s the real Brett.

So what, in the end, is a great teacher? I think it’s so many things, but ultimately, I think it’s someone who has the desire to teach, the ability to explain, and that sixth sense of understanding her students. Perhaps that’s a kind of empathy. Whatever it is, Judy has it in spades. We are able to learn to talk because of it. And we are able to succeed because she makes us know we can.

6 Comments

10/21/2024 2 Comments

Becoming a Winner

So another shitty season for the Jets. It was a debacle last night. For all my life the Jets have mostly sucked. That game last night hurt my soul. You really have to be tough to stay a Jets fan.

Certainly there are parallels to my life to be found here. Before I could spell, I was the Jets: I sucked at everything. And no matter how hard I tried, nothing got better. The thing is, my front office (my parents) was intelligent, unlike that of the Jets. They recognized that the issue was the coaching. So they hired the best coach, Judy, and I became the Kansas City Chiefs.

Yup. Now I am a contender.