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AMAZINGLY INTERESTING

BY ANTHONY PICCOLINO

Many of us here at M2H love music, but no one loves it as much as me. Perhaps that is a big claim, but I believe it to be true. I love music so much that I want to devote my life to it and become a music critic some day.

I am the child of restaurant owners and I eat maybe six foods in the world. I am telling you this explain how raging is my OCD. So I put the damn thing to use and OCD on music. I’d bet anything that Carl Orff himself listened to Carmina Burana less often than me.

Anyway, my blog will be about how amazingly interesting I am.

5/9/2025 1 Comment

The Fight

I had an awful fight with my brother this week. It was my fault. I am up and down with my OCD lately. Some days are great, and some are terrible. That was a really bad day, and I snapped and punched him.

As if we needed another reason to want a cure, these kinds of incidents happen. And then we need to live with the guilt of hurting the people we love the best. It was horrible…and I’ve been sick in my heart for days. The thing is, if I didn’t have this stupid autism, it would never have happened.

So yeah, those people who are speaking with autism need to shut the hell up about not wanting a cure. They are not compelled to punch their brothers over nothing. I want to be cured like yesterday.

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5/2/2025 1 Comment

Support for Kennedy

We are finally getting ourselves heard. Secretary Kennedy read our letters, and now he knows that we nonspeakers are behind him. The people who are diagnosed with autism and who can speak, and who don’t want a cure, can shut up. If they want to stay “autistic,” no one is stopping them. But if we don’t, you have a hell of a nerve trying to stop the research that can help us.

______________

Letter to Secretary Kennedy

Dear Secretary Kennedy:

I am one of the fortunate few nonspeakers diagnosed with autism who can talk by spelling out my words. My name is Anthony Piccolino, and I am lucky that my parents never gave up on me. I not only cannot speak with my mouth, I am also completely reliant upon my family for care. On top of that I also have hellish OCD that rules our lives. So I not only have to live as a nonspeaker, but I also have horrible compulsions that at times make me aggressive. I have punched my mother and brother more times than I can count. And then I am living with the guilt on top of everything.

I am begging for help. I don’t want to live this way for the rest of my life. To downplay the suffering we undergo and inflict on our families is a tragedy. We are the throw-aways of society. We are shoved into stupid daycare programs when we are 21 or 22 and there we will remain for the rest of our horrendous lives.

I believe that we are the most damaged people on earth. As severe as my symptoms are, I am still incredibly lucky: I can talk by spelling and my family can care for me. We suffer literally every day of our lives. Those people with the other kind of autism do ot speak for us. My teacher, Judy, says that since most of us cannot spell or type for communication, we who can have a moral and ethical responsibility to speak for them.

Please help us.

Sincerely,
Anthony Piccolino

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4/25/2025 0 Comments

OCD SUCKS

Yesterday I was a mess of OCD. It is ruining my life. I wanted to come to M2H, but the OCD said I had to stay home. I am especially angry about it because Thursday is songwriting, my absolute favorite. The guys wrote the funniest song ever, and I missed it.

Why OCD gets to decide my life, I don’t know. My real brain wants to do great things - my OCD says otherwise. I am just starting with my new psychiatrist, so I am not hysterical. I believe things will improve. But until then… this sucks.

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4/4/2025 1 Comment

That Day

I am still riding the high from Alex’s bar mitzvah. It was the best day of my life. The service was magical. Alex stood there on the stage without even needing Judy, which blew me away. When he started to type the Hebrew I wanted to cry, it was so amazing. I know others have written about the service, but I am compelled to as well. That peace and love that surrounded us was God. The feeling was indescribable. For the first time in my life, I believe God loves me. I could feel it there. I never did before, because he made me disabled. But as I sat in that synagogue watching Alex, I suddenly felt so loved that it changed me.

I am not sure why I am disabled, but I do believe now that there is a reason. That moment, on that day, changed everything for me. God does exist, and he does love nonspeakers too.

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2/28/2025 1 Comment

Monday

On Monday my Mom and I are going to see my new psychiatrist. I can’t wait because this OCD, and anger and aggression are ruining my life. I have so many things I want to do, but can’t. I want to take the high school equivalency exam. I want to start college then. I want to move into my own house with my best friend, Alex. I want to be at M2H every day.

And I can do none of these things because I’m a lunatic half the time. All my life I dreamed of a life in which I could accomplish things like my sister and brother. So I am praying that this doctor can help me.

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2/21/2025 0 Comments

My Conversion

The bar mitzvah is only a month away and the battle for the most honors is raging. Clearly, as Alex’s best friend, I should get the most. I can position myself in such a way that everyone understands my lofty status. Firstly, I have given Judy my list of demands. There needs to be honors at both the synagogue and the restaurant. There needs to be a general acknowledgement of my best friend status in all circumstances including but not limited to: ark opening, next-to-Alex seating; best man speech in the prime spot; and top billing when we light our besties candle.

I have officially changed my name to Shlomo Piccolinoberg. My bar mitzvah is later this year.

My Dad has a big surprise coming.

Shlomo Piccolinoberg preparing for his upcoming bar mitzvah

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1/17/2025 0 Comments

OCD Hell

I don’t know what has happened to me. Over the last few years I have developed such terrible OCD. I am OCD all day, every day. And as though that weren’t bad enough, I am aggressive sometimes. I cannot control it; it’s like an angry demon lives in my brain.

Yesterday I hit my brother, and I am sick over it. I love him so much, and I hurt him. I cannot tell you how awful that is for me. I don’t even know why I got angry. That may be the worst part: there is no control over my emotions.

Lately I have no even been able to do things I want to do sometimes, like come to M2H. The OCD is telling me I need to stay home - but I don’t want to stay home. I want to come here to have fun. It is not fun staying home by myself; all my friends are here, at M2H.

This is ruining my life. I need help: I want my life back.

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1/3/2025 0 Comments

Stress!

There were a lot of upsetting things this past week. My Dad was in an accident, and totaled the car. Rocco’s mom, Sally, was in the hospital for more chemo. And Grandpa Wally got sick and was in the hospital for a few days. My OCD has sucked too, and that is making me nuts. Awkward to admit it, but certain things are bothering me now that didn’t bother me even a few weeks ago. For example, there needs to be A Starry Night up on Judy’s screen again, just like I needed two years ago. WTF. A vision of it burns in my brain all the time. Only seeing it calms my brain down.

So not a great start of the year, unfortunately. I need things to be calm. And I want everyone to be ok. I am stressed to the max. There are good things too, I suppose, so I should try to focus on that.

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11/23/2024 0 Comments

Thankful

My life is as good as it can be, considering that I am disabled. I get to come to M2H almost every day, and I feel that makes the difference in what would otherwise have been hell. Being severely disabled is not a walk in the park. It sucks more than words can say. But in spite of that, I am wonderfully happy. I have a ton of friends now, and I am learning new stuff every day. I am particularly excited to move in with my best friend, Alex. (I am not sure when that will happen, but I hope in 2025.)

I am enjoying life most of the time now, and that is quite a change. Between you and me, that comes as a surprise to me. A few years ago, I was facing a lifetime of hell. So to find myself happy is stunning to me. I am thankful.

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11/8/2024 0 Comments

Bad Fathers

I’ve been thinking a lot about bad fathers. There are sons and daughters who have no fathers, even here at M2H. I can’t tell you how much that bothers me. I really don’t understand how parents can not love their children. I try to get it, but I don’t.

The fact that they can just walk away means that they didn’t love their children, ever. I try to imagine the feeling that a parent must feel when they hold their baby for the first time. That must be the most wonderful thing ever. It’s so wonderful to see babies, that I even love looking at pictures of them. That’s why I can’t understand this, I guess.

When I love people, it’s forever. I totally cannot even imagine walking away from my family. Anyway, this really upsets me so I better stop writing. I’ll just say that I am so lucky to have the greatest dad on earth.